Dan White Jr. writes, “Churches have built compounds for cognitive learning rather than relational labs for conversing, listening and practicing.” Blessed is the church that realizes there is more to spiritual formation than cognitive learning. There is a relational lab to be built by sharing small talk and deep conversations, partnering for prayer, listening deeply, and serving shoulder to shoulder.
In the unlikely event the plane loses pressure and masks drop, parents are told to put on their own mask before putting one on their child. Is that selfish? No, the parent must have oxygen to be able to help the child. Similarly, if you want a better relationship (with spouse, friend, co-worker, or church), work on being a better person yourself before trying to change him, her, or them.